OUR HALLOWEEN LOVE/HATE AFFAIR

Wtad.com/whitepages/10.27.17

Bobbe White

Time to buy your candy. The closer we get to the 31st, the cheaper it gets by the pound. I can’t buy candy too far ahead, because it mysteriously disappears in the house, before it ever makes it into a kid’s treat bag. The dog doesn’t look fatter, so I don’t think it’s her…

Millions of us wait for the “Fun Size” in every candy brand. It’s like Christmasween. In fact, there are few holidays that spark as much excitement in a child as Halloween. Just ask one, “What are you going to be for Halloween?” The child will light up like a jack-o-lantern and tell you his or her fabulous plan.

For those of us who don’t have trick-or-treaters to get ready, our thoughts automatically revert to our memory banks.

Things I hate/hated about Halloween:

1. Trick-or-treaters who are bigger than me and aren’t costumed. We give them candy anyway so they’ll go away, without throwing eggs at us.
2. Late night trick-or-treaters. After I’ve gotten in and out of my chair for several hours, my workout is complete by 8:00pm. GO. TO. BED.
3. When my beautifully carved pumpkin got smashed as a kid.
4. When I was a ballerina and Mom made me wear a coat over my tutu.
5. The stress of being a working mom when my kids were little. They’d beg me to hurry home, but I couldn’t because it was end of the month. “WE’LL GO WHEN WE GO AND THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF CANDY, SO JUST COOL YOUR JETS!”
6. No time to feed your kids real food, so they have the four revised food groups: sugar, chocolate, nuts and coconut.
7. Jolly Ranchers, Tootsie Rolls, Lifesavers, jawbreakers and Apples. You call this candy? All I wanted was Snickers, Bazooka and Slow Pokes.
8. When kids have their hearts set on Mario or Elsa, and costumes are sold out.

Things I love/loved about Halloween

1. Excited little kids thinking, “BEST. NIGHT. EVER!”
2. Sitting on the floor after the haul, sorting candy.
3. The neighbor that gave out FULL SIZE Hershey Bars. Slam-dunk.
4. When kids dress their dogs up to complete the theme, like Wizard of Oz. Except Toto is a Great Dane in gingham. It’s all about the effort.
5. Halloween, college-style when we got to say, “Trick-or liquor!”

All time favorites:

When Korey (age 4) and Nick (2) got the measles on THE day. We gave our friend, Brett, $20 to go buy candy and bring it to them at the house. He even dressed up like a cowboy. Reverse trick-or-treating. Huge holiday save. Whew.

Runner-up memory:

When our co-worker was late to work because of her husband’s procedure. Imagine her in the waiting room dressed up like Fidel Castro. What a perfect day for a vasectomy. We coined it, “Holloweinie!” and laughed all day. Poor guy.

Happy Halloween! I hope your little pumpkins shine brightly! Remember milk bones for the dogs and Gerber juice bags for trick-or-treaters without teeth!